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"These are the days when the Christian is expected to praise every creed except his own." G.K.Chesterton

"You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion." G.K.Chesterton

"As you perhaps know, I haven't always been a Christian. I didn't go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that."C. S. Lewis

"I blog, therefore I am." Anon

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

and we'll have fun, fun, fun now that daddy took her RV away

Trailer for sale or rent
Rooms to let, fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes, ah but
Two hours of pushing broom
Buys a eight by twelve fourbit room

Those were the days! But the times they are achangin'! Now you have to pay big time for the same accommodation and experiences!

Calling all aging hippies, former sixties radicals, new agers and yuppies. Load up the VW Kombi or the Prius and head west! Announcing Ocean Haven: nature friendly lodging on the Oregon coast where the motto is:
Respecting the interdependence & diversity of all life."

Well, okay, not "all" life...

It's a spoof, isn't it?! - the Landover Baptist Church of wacky environmentalism? Meet the diversity respectin', anti-discriminatory folks at Ocean Haven - where they proudly don't welcome the "wrong sort" of diversity and proudly discriminate against the "right people":

a) smokers
"Cigarette butts represent the largest concentration of beach litter.
Ocean fish & birds frequently ingest the plastic filters".

b) pets
"Ocean Haven is home to marine & coastal wildlife. Wildlife is disturbed by the presence of dogs."

c) visitors (sic)
"We charge for all persons on premises, regardless of age or length of visit."
Don't bring the fact, don't bring any kids

d) Hummer drivers
"Committed to limiting human impact on nature."

e) RV owners

f) "Bush voters"
"due to his environmental (sic) destructive policies"

g) "impractical" people
"Be practical & wear sturdy shoes, bring wind & rain gear & non-perishable foods. We provide beach boots & hiking sticks."

h) meat eaters
Because meat is murder?

Also NO
i) open fires
j) beach fires
k) BBQs
l) candles
m) incense
Can't have anyone burning down the house, now...

n) daily maid service
"Nature-friendly cleaning & maintenance."
What this really means:
"Guests are responsible for cleaning kitchen area & ware if used. Recycling & Composting. Water & energy conservation requested."

o) room phones
p) internet
q) television
r) noise
s) alcohol

"Quiet Hours: 9 PM to 9 AM"

Remember when freedom was just another word for nothing left to lose?

Heck, you're here to
at the
Ocean Haven

...just not human friendly?

Check out the Eatin'Inn menu which has "a selection of organic, simple for you to fix meals, sweets & treats for guests to purchase"

Take the tour of the rooms and cabin. Prices range from $85.00 per night for the Sky View Studio to $110.00 for the Shags' Nest Cabin. It's shagadelic, yeah baby! say db and he knows...

Stop off at the guest library with its "variety of games & beach toys, hiking & nature guides and works by many notable native & nature writers who have graced Ocean Haven with their visits."

Slip over to the Maple Street Day Spa in Old Town Florence for some Holistic services including massage, body treatments, hydrotherapy, facials, pedicures & manicures, etc : Renewing Inner Beauty Reviving Inner Strength.
[How exactly do facials, pedicures, and manicures, etc. renew "inner beauty" and revive "inner strength"?... And how many genuine Oregonian "old timers" can still afford to live in Old Town Florence?]

And don't forget to visit the Ocean Haven Advocacy page where you can link to and network with such fellow travellers as:

a) the Surfrider Foundation whose "'visionary surfers' make WAVES to protect the ocean & beaches; [Is visionary a 21st century word for stoned?]

b) Sea Flow: "Protecting Our Living Oceans by stopping LFA Sonar & other harmful underwater noise threatening the undersea web of life";

c) the Orca Network: "Connecting whales & people in the Pacific Northwest" [And conducting marriages between the two? It's Oregon after all...];

d) Brenda Peterson, "Nature author & worldwide protectoress of cetaceans. [How does one get appointed as protectoress of cetaceans? Perhaps it was a Clinton initiative... Is there also a UN protectoress of crustaceans?]... her book ANIMAL HEART is "A love story of people whose compassion for animals compels them into extraordinary acts of heroism.":

Of course, it costs $money$ to enjoy the nature-friendly practices, fragrance-free soap, organic coffee, organic rice, organic tea, organic beans, organic whole wheat pasta, Organic Saltine Crackers, Organic Tortilla Chips, organic whole wheat bread, organic dill pickles, Organic Roasted & Salted Pistachios, Organic Campfire Trail Mix, Organic Crystallized Ginger, organic oatmeal, organic Granola Oats, Low Fat Soy Milk, and organic plum tomatoes... not to mention the planetary harmony and natural beauty of Ocean Haven.

(No food fascism here: you CAN "indulge in a little chocolate" because "chocolate is food for the soul" and every "organic" chocolate bar comes with a "love poem inside wrapper!" And yes, BEN & JERRY'S ICE CREAM is available because "they" hate Bush, too.)

More on the bottom line:
"Two night minimum stay required.
Three night or more for some holidays & summer.
Credit Card Deposit Required.
VISA * Master Card * American Express * Discover
8% Hotel TAX added to total room rate

Guests are responsible for all nights reserved.
All reservations are final.
You pay for all nights reserved, unless they are re-rented.
Refunds of deposit only when all nights are re-rented.
Cancellation fee may apply."

Hippies with credit cards! Is this what the sixties hath wrought?

Cold Feet?
For $6.75 try a pair of "Maggie's Organic Tie Dyed Socks".

Capitalism sucks... but it pays the rent at Ocean Haven...

[Hat tip: the evangelical environmentalist via Opinion Journal].

8:43:00 pm