jottings from tertius

views of the world from my worldview window

"If there was no God, there would be no atheists." G.K. Chesterton


SITES OF NOTE

Tektonics Apologetics Ministry
blogs4God
The Adarwinist reader
Bede's Library: the Alliance of Faith and Reason
A Christian Thinktank
Doxa:Christian theology and apologetics
He Lives
Mike Gene Teleologic
Errant Skeptics Research Institute
Stephen Jones' CreationEvolutionDesign
Touchstone: a journal of mere Christianity: mere comments
The Secularist Critique: Deconstructing secularism
Ex-atheist.com: I Wasn't Born Again Yesterday
imago veritatis by Alan Myatt
Solid Rock Ministries
The Internet Monk: a webjournal by Michael Spencer
The Sydney Line: the website of Keith Windschuttle
Miranda Devine's writings in the Sydney Morning Herald
David Horowitz frontpage magazine
Thoughts of a 21st century Christian Philosopher
one-eighty
Steven Lovell's philosophical themes from C.S.Lewis
Peter S. Williams Christian philosophy and apologetics
Shandon L. Guthrie
Clayton Cramer's Blog
Andrew Bolt columns
Ann Coulter columns




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"These are the days when the Christian is expected to praise every creed except his own." G.K.Chesterton


"You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion." G.K.Chesterton


"As you perhaps know, I haven't always been a Christian. I didn't go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that."C. S. Lewis

"I blog, therefore I am." Anon


Wednesday, July 28, 2004

plans for the remakes are all well in hand in tinseltown

 
Coming soon from Patrick Bryson via Marv Essary at Chronwatch: Classic Movies Made Politically Correct

The Bridge on the River Kwai--In this movie the bridge is never actually built. It runs into too many problems with the environmental impact statement, which says that building this bridge would disrupt the natural habitat of the snail guppy.

Titanic
--The huge luxury liner still sinks in this film, but in this version Democrats blame her sinking on the Bush tax cuts.

The Magnificent Seven
--Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen not only defend the Mexican villagers from bandits, but in the end the two gunfighters help the villagers immigrate to Los Angeles.

The Pride of the Yankees--Gary Cooper doesn't just die at the end. Before his death, he files for arbitration, is granted free agency, and jumps to the Mets for $36 million a year.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner--Sidney Poitier's character is no longer a black doctor. He's a rap singer name Jack Up, and he greets Spencer Tracy's character by saying, ''Sup up, Bro?'' In the end, Tracy not only agrees to the marriage between his daughter and Up, but he also agrees to pay reparations for slavery.

Gone With the Wind
--We get to see--in vivid detail--what happened when Rhett carried Scarlett up the stairs to the bedroom. When Rhett walks out the door during the final scene we hear him say, ''Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a @#$*&%.'' A little ''damn'' just doesn't go as far as it once did.

The Ten Commandments--Moses, Pharaoh, and the Red Sea crossing are still here, but at least six of the commandments have been eliminated.

Old Yeller--After Old Yeller gets rabies and is shot, the frontier family is sued by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. In the end, the family is made to apologize to rabid dogs everwhere. Rabid dogs are eventually made an endangered species.

Any John Wayne Western--Instead of saying, ''If we stay here, Blanket Head, we'll be overrun by Apaches,'' Duke says, ''If we stay here, we'll be visited by native Americans who feel marginalized.'' In the end, the Indians always win. After every victory, the Indians celebrate by opening another casino.

Psycho--Tony Perkins is put on Prozac at the age of 15. When Janet Leigh stays at the Bates Motel, she is bid a cheerful farewell the next morning by a docile Norman Bates who can't wait to get back to his house to watch Dr. Phil on television.

Rear Window--Raymond Burr's character meets the same fate as he did in the original movie. James Stewart, however, is arrested as a Peeping Tom and his name is put on a list of sex offenders.

Jaws--After the shark attacks the girl during her midnight swim, somebody calls Sea World and the shark ends in the tank next to Free Willy.

From Here to Eternity
--Instead of dating his captain's wife, Sergeant Warden dates his captain.

Heaven Can Wait--Before it can be shown in theaters, the name of this movie is changed to ''Oblivion Can Wait.'' The ACLU has declared it unconstiutional to believe in heaven.

Annie--Instead of being saved by Daddy Warbucks, Annie is adopted by Rosie O'Donnell.

West Side Story
--The Sharks and the Jets dance through the streets but the racket chases away drug customers of the Bloods and the Crypts. The problem is solved with a routine drive-by shooting. The Sharks and Jets are found murdered in their dancing shoes.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
--The chocolate factory is shut down for failure to meet pm10 emissions standards. Activists cheer when the factory is closed, saying that it was a major cause of chocolate rain in the Midwest.

All Quiet on the Western Front--It is quiet on the Western Front and the ACLU is so steamed about it they claim the First Amendment to the Constitution is being violated.

The Quiet Man--This movie ends with Maureen O'Hara shooting John Wayne. O'Hara is then acquitted of murder after NOW hired feminist lawyer Gloria Allred, who attempts to show a long pattern of abuse. O'Hara becomes a feminist heroine.


Of course, Titanic already IS a monument to political correctness but there is always room for "improvement"!



7:06:00 pm